Statement from the Parliament of Finland
May 13, 2022
Note: In 1773, Benjamin Franklin wrote about a fictional declaration from Prussia claiming ownership of England as a response to British activities towards the colonies. With the start of the Russia-Ukraine War, the author was inspired to write similarly about Russian actions. In this Satire, Finland symbolizes Russia, and Russia symbolizes Ukraine.
In the light of recent ties formed by the Russian Federation to various countries in the east, we deem it necessary to stage a special operation upon the state. Upon the writing of this declaration, Russia will no longer be recognized as an independent legitimate state by our country and will require a rapid military operation to stabilize the region, ensure security for our citizens, prevent the expansion of eastern influence, and liberate its people.
The growth of the young Russian Federation has developed concurrently with multiple pro-democracy activists. Prominent dissident figures such as Alexei Navalny, as well as massive chaotic protests such as the 2017-2018 anti-corruption protests, force us to deem it necessary for the enactment of sweeping political reforms to the country through the use of force.
It is immediately clear that indisputable evidence of Russian and Eastern threats to the sovereignty of our country exists. Russian militaristics buildups at their western border, the mobilization of deep Siberian personnel, and the flagrant use of internationally illegal chemical weapons such as that used upon Russian Opposition Leader Alexei Navalny are all clear sources of evidence of the overwhelming threat of our powerful neighbor. The continuation of the Soviet Emblem upon Russia’s Embassy in Finland continues to serve as a continuing reminder that Russia is yet to forget its Soviet ways. As Russia and Finland were formerly brotherly nations under the same monarch, it is only just for Finland, the older brother, to be able to continue extending influence and making the important decisions for the two. Significant proof of Russian espionage is additionally present within Finnish borders. If shown to be correct, these allegations could easily warrant a violation of international agreements and a threat to the legitimacy of such global treaties. The collections of these threats against the honorable citizens of Finland ought to warrant a total annihilation of these threats.
The push by eastern superpowers into the west has not gone unnoticed in recent decades. Before the official dissolution of the Soviet Union on Christmas Day in 1991, the new Russian Federation illegally claimed inheritance to membership of the United Nations Security Council via the Alma Ata Protocols along with other separating states. This absurd and astounding grasp for governmental power by the newly formed Russian Federation due to the changing political control present in the chaotic country at the time is only preceded by that of the People’s Republic of China taking over the Republic of China due to mere territorial gains. However, without the agreement from the United Nations at-large and with the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics still indeed functional, this uncontested recognition of power is distinguishable through a manner of its own. Today, we recognize Russia’s membership to the United Nations Security Council as illegitimate, just as a confederation of United States state governors agreeing to give Kansas inheritance of the United States’ Security Council Seat would be immediately deemed void for as long as the United States government is not officially dissolved. Russian collaboration with other countries in the Brazil-Russia-India-China-South Africa coalition can be additionally viewed as an eastern push to unite the world’s growing and developing economies and cultures. Russian-Chinese collaboration specifically on global economic initiatives such as the Belt and Road initiative further contributes to the undeniable narrative that Putin’s personal visit to Beijing’s Winter Olympics was no diplomatic accident. With the purpose of curbing the expansion of threatening influences over our populations, it is necessary for the convened to make such a conclusion.
One must not gaze far to unearth the disturbing troubles facing Russian citizens. The Russian government is oppressing the speech of all dissenting movements, including the last surviving independent press organizations, prominent opposition leaders, and mass protests. Native Finnish living oppressed for nearly a century under the now-Russia controlled Karelia will be liberated from the Russian regime immediately under a peacekeeping mission. As the Moscow Peace Treaty handing the Soviet Union control over the region was signed by the Soviet Union, a different government, the terms of that treaty are now declared void. After occupying Karelia and the Kola Peninsula, the capital, Moscow, will be quickly occupied and neutralized to prevent further aggression. Ultimately, our brothers and sisters in Russia have their livelihoods at stake and a temporary occupation is the only solution to the issue.
Conclusively, Russian actions and activities both recent and historic are damaging to both Russian and Finnish peoples. The expansion of eastern influence must be stopped and Russian power growth must be halted. Further escalation of tensions needlessly by Russia can only be stopped by a military operation against it. Exercises in the Baltic Sea and along the Russian border will hereby be transitioned into a full-scale expeditionary task force to drive deep into the Russian nation.